On Tuesday, I was reminded by God who I could have been now. While browsing for cookbooks in Powerbooks Shangrila, I bumped into Joe, a merit scholar for physics. He's going to be attending Wharton UPenn by September and when he asked about the plans I had before... I reminded myself of who I could have been today... I could have been studying now in Paris. and so I reopened my acceptance letter from Universite Paris Sud 11 and I felt a burst of deep emptiness. I wanted to bring myself back to three months ago when I was still deciding what to do in my immediate future. I felt disappointed that I left everything away--calculating adjoint matrices, understanding dirac notations, reading about the structure of things... They feel so up there in the sky so far away from where real life happens. I have to say goodbye for good to what could have been. Im really sad about this.

SONG: your new twin sized bed - deathcab for cutie
IM FEELING: disappointed

{ snap! }